A River in Thedas

[orchidcactus]

A short bit that I rather like. Even though I don't romance Anders in-game, I do so love his angst.

A River in Thedas

Before he'd taken Justice in, Anders had felt little compunction over the more selfish aspects of his nature. In a life shaped by running, constantly plotting escape, of side-stepping and flat out avoidance, Anders wasn't surprised by his own capacity for denial.

Denial had served him well in the Tower, of course. If the Chantry was determined to shame his magic-stained-soul into something less profane by walling him in a circle of stone, he was determined to fill up the spaces between with as much life as he could. And if that meant he lived denying he could have feelings other than lust, so be it.

There'd never been malice, of course, never deliberate cruelty, only the ever-present compulsion to live. He'd grinned his cocky-as-shit grin, stolen far more than kisses in corners, and had tormented his share of older enchanters with heavy-lidded eyes that stared just a little too long.

When Karl had started looking at Anders like things were more than a series of trysts, like he might be imagining they were more than just quick fuck in the stairwell, denial had been the lover Anders pulled to him, and ran for the seventh time.